Ahh…. the fall equinox was yesterday. For some reason, I find myself very introspective at the change of seasons. Moving into autumn (my absolute favorite!), I’ve been contemplating letting go. Letting go like the leaves from the trees. Letting go of ideas that no longer serve my highest self. Surrendering to the act of letting go.
Letting go of resistance. Surrendering to love.
On the physical level, perhaps it’s a surrender in finding out that I have some genetic connective tissue anomaly as well as misshapen hip sockets. Perhaps, maybe, running any distance will not serve me. Perhaps that frees me up to spend more time on bikes with my ever-patient, amazing and supportive husband. I like that idea. My body likes yoga and mountain biking sane distances. My mind and soul also benefit in innumerable ways. So, why keep chasing other physical endeavors that leave me injured every time?
That’s pretty minor in comparison to a revelation I had today. Now, I grew up around Christianity. I had a bit of a falling out with God over a decade ago. In recent years, I’ve found a closeness and a “spirituality” that I never knew previously. I had released the dogma and felt I did not need an interpreter/middle man. I have believed in a God/One/Creator/Being of Light for some time now. Working around the dying, I feel that there’s something undeniable beyond what our eyes can see. I believe that heaven is here and now, hell was made up to control the masses but certainly can be a state of disconnect (going through hell) here on Earth. But, I don’t need the scare tactics or some of the other things that have turned me off to “religion”. My Creator, in my opinion, did not create me or any of us as worthless sinning machines destined to a fiery hell if we don’t follow all the rules. Ha!! My Creator is far too amazing to play games like that. My Creator is He and She and Up and Down and ALL. And don’t tell me what to chant or sing. If my heart doesn’t feel it, I won’t do it. I want a direct connection.
My aforementioned husband is a regular church goer. I accompany him to support him and love feeling the energy of collective prayer. It is powerful! Today I was by his side and the music was so moving. Honestly, every time I go, I fight back tears. I feel my soul is stirred. I’m moved. I can barely hold it together sometimes.
So, what’s with that? I usually just stuff it down and move on. Today though….. I choose to surrender. Something that moves me so deeply needs my attention. I, like the leaves on the trees during my favorite season, am letting go. Letting go of resistance.
I’ve been looking for a guru. For now, my guru is Jesus Christ. It’s so obvious to me. There is a freedom in surrender.